Trauma and validation

Despite doing my inner work for many years, I still find it hard to validate my own childhood trauma. It seems that not having a father during formative years or a family that wasn't emotionally expressive or loving (in the way that I needed) 'is not a big deal'. After all, look at other people who have 'real' trauma of being abused or not taken care of or whatever else seems more appropriate to call 'trauma'. Not getting enough hugs or 'I love yous' was the norm for me. Russian culture that prioritized discipline, intellect and independence. A lack of true emotional intelligence due to having to simply survive, bring food to the table. Beliefs such as 'money doesn't grow on trees' or 'if you want something, you've got to work hard for it'. Victim mentality and bitterness about life. Fear and judgements. Comparison to other people 'who got it'. Focus on having more vs. being content. It's funny how all of those things get absorbed by the growing emotional and mental body of a child. It's crazy how little support some kids get.


How could they if their parents never got it themselves? How can a person teach love if they don't have self love? How can one teach emotional intelligence if they were never taught about emotions? How can one teach trust if they are in the survival mode?


As I compassionately look at the reasons why I didn't get what I needed as a child, it still doesn't make the trauma less real for my inner child. I am learning to simply hold space for her grief and sadness. I explain to her, as an adult, that it wasn't her fault. She is not bad or wrong or defected. She didn't deserve it, but it did happen. I validate her feelings and let her cry them out. I hug and tell her that I love her and will always be there for her. I hold her in my arms for as long as she needs until she feels safe to go on and play again. Until I feel the change in the emotional body and a sense of relief. Relief that comes from truly validating and holding space for whatever emotions arise.


Trauma is anything that we were unable to process at the time. It usually gets suppressed, denied, disowned and hidden in our bodies until we are fortunate enough to feel safe to revisit that trauma and let it go. There are many ways to release that trauma, from reiki energy healing, to acupuncture, to cranial sacral, to talk therapy. The best way to begin is to try all of those methods and see which one resonates. Find a practitioner that speaks to you. Do you feel uplifted after the session? Empowered? Do you get a message that nothing is wrong and that you can trust yourself? Do you feel validated?!


I'm here if you need to talk.